“By saying no to some things you are saying yes to others… And by saying yes to some things, you are saying no to others.”
This is a concept I am only slowly starting to grapple with now! Honestly it’s something I just kind of suck at/am not a natural at! I have recently gone through a hugeeee life transformation in every way… In my marriage, my work, church involvement, and friendships. It’s funny how you can have a great life but one day wake up and realize that you kinda just hopped in the river and let it carry you away…but you didn’t necessarily want to be there… Does that make sense? One day you realize you’ve built a life that you don’t want anymore…
Well… To break things down as simply as possible, that’s the place I got to last month. I realized that in all of those areas I mentioned above, I had kind of just been going a direction I thought I had to go… I was kind of floating. Basically, through a series of events, I all of the sudden realized that I have control of the decisions I make and I don’t HAVE to do things because they make other people happy… I can do it because it makes ME happy….I can express myself in a serious manner if something DOESNT make me happy. And sometimes that’s even scarier… Because if you admit you’re unhappy then that kind of goes hand in hand with admitting/knowing that you’re about to embark on a path to change that thing or things that are making you unhappy. That’s scary! It’s scary to admit to yourself that there is something in your marriage, work, friendships or whatever that you’re not happy with and that you want to change it. It’s scary because it usually involves you being involved….And taking action and inserting yourself into uncomfortable situations…. Into uncomfortable conversations. It’s often easier to try and trick yourself into thinking that you’re being “emotional” or “a drama queen”… Or tell yourself that you’re “so blessed and lucky…and other people would kill for your life….”… All of which MAY be true but 1- that doesn’t mean it’s not worth evaluating and it doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid! And 2- just because you may be living someone else’s version of “the perfect life”, doesn’t mean your living the perfect life for YOU.
Now this is a slippery-ish slope because I am a true believer of the fact that we can sometimes talk ourselves into things…& that it is important to focus on your blessings and be grateful! (AND the fact that I don’t think we will ever be FULLY satisfied on this earth) BUT, if you’re anything like me, I can talk myself straight out of my emotions.. I will invalidate myself because of a flawed view I have of myself. In my head I am always the drama queen… Always too much… But in the words of my therapist that I’m now thinking over a lot…”what if that’s just not true?”…
I have spent so long ignoring my emotions and not taking them seriously. Not taking them as signs of which way to go and what decisions to make… I brush them off and assume I’m feeling something just because I’m a crazy mess… Does any of this make sense??? Lol yes, emotions can be fleeting… But I’m realizing that if something keeps popping up, it is important to evaluate what I’m feeling!
Anyways, I have gone through a HUGE shift this last month or two… I cried more tears this month than I have in the last few years..& it felt amazing. It felt soft… And like a beautiful release. And it led me closer to the truth of what I want NOW for my life……And what things and stories I want to put down and leave behind. And I am so grateful for that because it has caused shifts in my life that are making me feel so excited about the next few years of my life! Not sad and overwhelmed, which to be honest is the place I had gotten to…
I have always seen the world through a set of “Rose colored glasses”… Except my glasses have always made me see extreme beauty in every day circumstances…& somewhere over the last year or two I’ve stopped seeing beauty EVERYWHERE the way I used to…& it made me so sad! It was literally like someone stole them off my face…& those glasses were a huge part of my identity…& I think that part of the reason I lost them is because I lost who I was in the act of not expressing my heart. Really it was in not EXPRESSING my sadness and making a change in those areas that made me sad… Just rolling over, accepting it, not trusting my gut and being complacent.
Now, my beautiful glasses are starting to come back… It’s going to be a journey and I know the ways I express myself through art will change throughout my life.. But in general, I think that my ability to see beauty in every day life will continue to be my litmus test of my mental state no matter what kind of “art” I’m creating.
So ya… before I go I wanted to let you know that I will be uploading blog posts like this once a week on Saturdays:) I miss writing,.. But I don’t want to write daily. Hahahah clearly I write long thoughts sooooo ya… Once a week is enough for me…and hopefully I can even do that… LOL
Ok guys, that’s it. Leave me a comment and let me know if you’ve struggled with any of this…? And what you’ve done! I also highly recommend he book “Present over Perfect” that I mentioned yesterday in my September Favorites video…AKA Crap I’m Loving… It’s reallyyyyy helped me on this journey. Shauna Niequest in general has helped me…Just throwing that out there.
I love you guys 💕
PS- I hope you enjoy these random pics I took when I was filming My House Tour=)